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Currently viewing the tag: "open letter"
Dear Facebook,
Every time you release an update or tweak to your iPhone client, it becomes an even larger piece of shit while simultaneously not actually adding any worthwhile features from the standard site. From what I hear, you don’t even have a native iPad app yet. I can’t speak to your Android app, but knowing your iOS development cycle, I doubt it is any better. Frankly, this is pathetic. For a company that has it’s finger on the pulse of social networking more than any other, you seem to be neglecting an increasingly apparent future in mobile platforms. If you don’t want to get bitch-slapped by the likes of Google+ and Twitter, both of which embrace mobile usage at their very core, it might be time to pump some much-needed development in to native mobile applications. Your iOS and Android apps should mirror the features of today’s and tomorrow’s Facebook, not the Facebook of 2-3 years ago as it currently does. Until that happens, you’re just about begging something like Google+ to usurp your throne.
Sincerely,
Someone who likes your service, but will jump ship if you keep acting like you’re the only game in town.
Dear Dick,
There’s been a lot of talk about you lately in the MSM. They can’t seem to stop talking about you because, frankly, you won’t stop talking. Since leaving the office of the Vice President of the United States, you’ve made more public appearances and done more interviews with the media than I can ever recall you doing while in-office. Liberals and conservatives rarely agree on much, but the talking heads that represent both sides of the spectrum have come together as of late, albeit for different reasons, in one loud voice telling you to go away. The Republicans want you silenced because every time your snarl appears on network television, it hurts them. The liberals want you silenced because they’re sick of you. Me? I want you to keep talking. Do more interviews, press releases, YouTube videos, talk show appearances, or whatever else you can to make your presence known. I can’t seem to tell if you’re intentionally trying to tear your party in two or if you sincerely think you’re helping, but regardless of your true intentions, it is entertaining to finally see the party that crippled our nation struggle to stay intact. So please, Dick, I’m begging you, don’t listen to the yelling. Continue doing what you do best: leading your party towards disaster.
Dear Smoker Driving In Front Of Me,
Don’t worry, I’m not about to go off on a tirade about how what you do should be made illegal. I respect the rights that you have in this country to smoke cigarettes and for the most part I in turn tend to avoid places where it overly affects me, namely poorly ventilated bars and restaurants. The exception, however, is when your smoking habits directly endanger me, without my choice. I’m not referring to second hand smoke, because I know you’re going to come back at me with studies funded by the likes of Philip Morris “proving” that second hand smoke is harmless. What really gets to me is when you feel that the absolute best way to dispose of your cigarette butt is to toss it, still lit, out your car window. In case you didn’t pay attention in high school physics, the airflow around your moving car will cause what you throw out it to be sucked behind your car and thus ends up going directly under my car, still lit. When I call your cigarette “lit”, think of it as a nice easy way of saying “your cigarette is on fire” and, despite the inexplicably slow development of alternative fuels, cars do still run on a very flammable liquid called gasoline. Given, the chances of you throwing your butt directly under a car that happens to be leaking gasoline are slim, but the chances of it blowing over to the side of the street in a dry pile of leaves and starting a fire or leaving a burn mark on my car are much higher.
You may now be wondering what I propose you do with your cigarette butt if you longer simply throw it out the window. If you look around your vehicle, you’ll probably find a little drawer that you’ve likely been keeping your extra change in. Turns out, that was actually meant to be an ashtray. Try using it for its intended purpose (Note: If you don’t smoke, keep using it for spare change). If you happen to drive a newer car that does not have an ashtray, swing by your local Target, K-Mart, Walmart, or whatever other store you have in your area and pick up one of those handy cup holder ashtrays that they offer. If, like me, you prefer to shop online, Amazon has a nice variety of ashtrays for your cup holder
I hope that you consider what I have said above and I look forward to being able to drive around without having lit cigarettes thrown at my car.
Sincerely,
Everyone Driving Behind You
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