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"Politics"
Not that she was going to get many (any?) Jewish votes anyways, but perhaps Michelle Bachmann should brush up a bit on English words of Yiddish origin.
It would be like a train wreck — you can’t look away.
(Source)
Socialism
You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor.
Communism
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
Fascism
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
Nazism
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
Bureaucratism
Vou have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.
Traditional Capitalism
You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
American Capitalism
You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
Enron Venture Capitalism
You have 2 cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for live cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with and option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
Andersen Model Capitalism
You have 2 cows. You shred them.
French Capitalism
You have 2 cows. You go on strike, organize a riot and block the roads because you want 3 cows.
Japanese Capitalism
You have 2 cows.You redesign them so they are 1/10 the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.
German Capitalism
You have 2 cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
Italian Capitalism
You have 2 cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
Russian Capitalism
You have 2 cows. You count them and learn that you have 5 cows. You count again and learn you have 42 cows. You count again and learn you have 2 cows. You open another bottle of vodka.
Swiss Capitalism
You have 5000 cows. None ofthem belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
Chinese Capitalism
You have 2 cows. You ahve 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reports otherwise.
Indian Captialism
You have 2 cows. You worship them.
British Capitalism
Vou have 2 cows. Both are mad.
Iraqi Capitalism
Everyone thinks you have many cows. You tell them you have none but they don’t believe you and bomb the shit out of your country. You still have no cows but at least you are part of a democracy.
New Zealand Capitalism
You have 2 cows. The one on the left is looking pretty sexy…
Australian Capitalism
You have 2 cows. Business seems good. You close the office and go for a few celebratory beers.
For those of you not yet up to date with the news today, Rick Santorum is running for President. I find this absolutely hilarious, because of his gigantic Google problem. I won’t delve any further in to the details of Dan Savage’s highly successful redefining of Santorum‘s last name, other than every time I’ve typed it in this thread I’ve linked it to the “Spreading Santorum” website, which further worsens his problem.
Good luck in the campaign, Rick!
Dear Governor Walker,
You’re the Governor of Wisconsin now and, as such, you represent the people of Wisconsin in your actions and appearance. I realize that you keep claiming we’re broke, but I’m rather certain you can afford more than one shirt and two ties. Perhaps you can get one of the Koch brothers to take you shopping next time Men’s Warehouse has a sale.
Sincerely,
A Concerned Wisconsin Citizen
(Click the picture for the full size)
Good news, everyone!
It turns out that despite popular belief, President Obama was, in fact, born in the great state of Hawaii. Although I’m sure Mr. Trump will have his “experts” overlook the document to ensure nothing is forged, it’s just a matter of time before he goes through on his promise to disclose his tax returns — Right?
Never gonna happen. Keep in mind, this is the same douche bag that sued an author a few years ago for purporting that he was only worth $250 million. Obama called his bluff, so now it’s the mainstream media’s turn to call him out on his tax returns in the same way they gave an inexcusably large amount of air time to the non-issue of Obama’s birthplace. After all, anyone with half a brain knows that the real issue isn’t the location of Obama’s birthplace, it’s the color of his skin.
So, Mr. Trump, the ball is in your court. Lets see those tax returns.
Prove that The Onion was just being funny, not prophetic.
BREAKING: Trump Unable To Produce Certificate Proving He’s Not A Festering Pile Of Shitless than a minute ago via HootSuite 
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The Onion
TheOnion
If you watch every the slightest bit of even the most local of news programs, you’re probably aware that if the Republicans and Democrats can’t agree on a budget for the rest of this fiscal year, the federal government will be shutting down as of midnight tonight. Both sides are doing a fantastic job of blaming each other and are all around doing a fantastic job of claiming that the other side is the one refusing to negotiate. Likewise, both sides are adamantly insisting that they do not actually want a government shutdown. Openly contradicting what the Republican leadership is saying, however, is the Tea Party. They are actively hoping that the government does indeed shut down. Some of them have even been chanting it at rallies and their elected officials have been, albeit not publicly, excited about the prospects of a shutdown. In fact, it is the Tea Party caucus in the House that keeps coming back to Boehner with their thumbs pointed to the ground.
Although there is plenty of blame to go around, there’s really only one force that continually blocks compromise and and wants a shutdown. This isn’t the Democrat’s government shutdown. It isn’t even the Republican’s government shutdown. This is a Tea Party Shutdown.
Source: Unknown
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