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"Funny"
Confused? Know your meme.
Source: Unknown.
I had to take our cat, Ishtar, to the vet today for a check-up and to get her rabies and distemper shots. On the way out, I noticed this sign on their counter. Apparently, they sell a lot of them.
Note: If you don’t get it, you aren’t watching enough Futurama.
10. There are half-full, brightly-colored plastic cups on the floor in every room. Three are in the bathtub.
9. There’s always that one girl, bawling her eyes out in a corner.
8. It’s best not to assume that the person closest to you has any control over their digestive function.
7. You sneak off to the bathroom knowing that as soon as you sit down, someone’s going to start banging on the door.
6. Probably 80% of the stains on the furniture contain DNA.
5. You’ve got someone in your face at 3 a.m. looking for a drink.
4. There’s definitely going to be a fight.
3. You’re not sure whether anything you’re doing is right, you just hope it won’t get you arrested.
2. There are crumpled-up underpants everywhere.
1. You wake up wondering exactly how and when the person in bed with you got there.
It would be like a train wreck — you can’t look away.
(Source)
Socialism
You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor.
Communism
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
Fascism
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
Nazism
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
Bureaucratism
Vou have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.
Traditional Capitalism
You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
American Capitalism
You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
Enron Venture Capitalism
You have 2 cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for live cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with and option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
Andersen Model Capitalism
You have 2 cows. You shred them.
French Capitalism
You have 2 cows. You go on strike, organize a riot and block the roads because you want 3 cows.
Japanese Capitalism
You have 2 cows.You redesign them so they are 1/10 the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.
German Capitalism
You have 2 cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
Italian Capitalism
You have 2 cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
Russian Capitalism
You have 2 cows. You count them and learn that you have 5 cows. You count again and learn you have 42 cows. You count again and learn you have 2 cows. You open another bottle of vodka.
Swiss Capitalism
You have 5000 cows. None ofthem belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
Chinese Capitalism
You have 2 cows. You ahve 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reports otherwise.
Indian Captialism
You have 2 cows. You worship them.
British Capitalism
Vou have 2 cows. Both are mad.
Iraqi Capitalism
Everyone thinks you have many cows. You tell them you have none but they don’t believe you and bomb the shit out of your country. You still have no cows but at least you are part of a democracy.
New Zealand Capitalism
You have 2 cows. The one on the left is looking pretty sexy…
Australian Capitalism
You have 2 cows. Business seems good. You close the office and go for a few celebratory beers.
I love reading the comics in the news paper. I generally read all of them every day of the week when I’m at work. I’ll admit it, I even read The Family Circus, presumably as a result of some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder. For as long as I’ve been reading through the comics every day (many many years) I have just about never found The Family Circus to be funny. Only occasionally does it even cause me to crack a smile. It’s one part stale dry humor poured over one part traditional family values then stirred, not shaken. Yet, somehow, it persists. Day after day, year after year, decade after decade, it appears in just about every major newspaper around the country. I long assumed that maybe I just could not appreciate the white-bread family it revolves around simply because I did not have children myself to appreciate the types of quirky behavior encompassed in it’s small circular frame every day. Well, now I have a toddler with another baby on the way, so I’m finally starting to see and appreciate the humor of what babies and toddlers do and how they see the world. As it turns out, my newfound understanding of raising a family and living with a toddler has shown me something: The Family Circus still isn’t funny.
For those of you not yet up to date with the news today, Rick Santorum is running for President. I find this absolutely hilarious, because of his gigantic Google problem. I won’t delve any further in to the details of Dan Savage’s highly successful redefining of Santorum‘s last name, other than every time I’ve typed it in this thread I’ve linked it to the “Spreading Santorum” website, which further worsens his problem.
Good luck in the campaign, Rick!
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